


Pointing Blame

by MeltedDragon



Series: DreamSMP Angst Fics [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Goat Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Pandora's Vault Prison, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29909358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeltedDragon/pseuds/MeltedDragon
Summary: Tommy reflects on the past and the consequences of his actions while stuck in Pandora's Vault with Dream.
Series: DreamSMP Angst Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2199279
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Pointing Blame

**Author's Note:**

> There are references to the first work in this series, "despite everything it's not you," it's not necessary but for context, I recommend reading it before you read this one!

Tommy was exhausted, both physically and mentally. The revival process had taken a toll on his body, he had taken to sitting on the lone bed in the prison, back against the wall and facing the lava. 

Dream had stopped talking to him after a while, realizing that no matter how much he asked Tommy about the afterlife that Tommy wouldn’t respond. His blank stare not moving from the lava in front of him. 

Though he seemed empty, his mind was racing. He sat silently, while his thoughts fluttered from memory to memory.

_ “I now know what it’s like, to simultaneously be present and forgotten, seen but ignored. It hurts to one’s core and will forever linger. Even when I was surrounded by friends and family, even in L'Manburg, even after exile, I still felt lonely.” _

Tommy rolled his eyes, thinking about how poetic he was being and how Will was probably the reason he was being so melodramatic. Tommy’s heart sank at the thought of his family. His father and older brothers.

_ “Did you ever love me?” _ Tommy imagined himself saying to his father, Phil.  _ “I was always the annoying one who everyone tolerated at most.” _

_ “I was never your favorite. My siblings were always the focus, whether they were getting hurt or accomplishing something. They took the limelight of your attention and affection, while I sat and watched. I don’t hate them for it I think, their actions were not intentional, however I still understood what was occurring. I don't want to hate you for it either, you didn’t mean to ignore me, did you?” _

Tommy didn’t want to hate his family, despite what they had done they had still shown him love and care when he was younger. Yet, now as he sat alone and abandoned with Dream in prison, he could only feel anger and betrayal. 

_ “I remember. I remember when the voices got too much for Techno, you would hold him and stay with him, comforting him. You were there for him no matter what. And when Will’s mentality got shitty, you did everything to help…” _

_ “You only had love for Techno and maybe Wilbur. You only showed up because Will went crazy, you killed him and went to console Techno. I always knew Techno was your favorite, but do you know how much it hurt to see literal proof of that?” _

_ “When Will or Techno were struggling you were always there for them, why weren’t you there for me. You saw me in exile, you saw how shitty I looked and you still left me. You would never have done that with them.” _

His mind recoiled as he remembered his siblings, Wilbur and Techno. They were like gods to him as a child, strong and uncomparable. He wanted to be like them, firm and resolute in his actions. Tommy sadly recalled the phrase “never meet your heroes” and now understood what it meant. All of his heroes failed him, they destroyed him effortlessly and completely. 

_ “When did I become less important?” _ He asked, his thoughts shifting to Will.  _ “Was L'Manburg always more important than I was, or was it just after you decided Schlatt couldn’t be the one to have it?” _

_ “Did you forget that I promised to follow you to the end? That I would never betray our country, let alone you? Will, I loved you and you refused to believe that. Why?” _

Tommy squeezed his arms around himself tighter, dropping his head against his knees. He didn’t want to look at the prison cell anymore. 

_ “Was it worth it Techo?” _ He snapped, his thoughts becoming more angry than sad.  _ “Was killing Tubbo and mocking me for being exiled justified for the sake of anarchy? When did I become an enemy, I looked up to you, I’m your fucking little brother when did you start to hate me?” _

_ “Did blowing up everything I ever loved make you feel better?”  _ he screamed at no one in particular. 

Tommy audibly sighed, ignoring how it made Dream glance over at him. 

_ “Wilbur always said that the pen was mightier than the sword”  _ Tommy cried as visions of L'Manburg in ruins, the withers, and his items being destroyed in a pit flashed across his mind.  _ “I know that’s a lie, everyone’s actions so far have proven that.”  _

_ “It’s like Techno said, the only universal language is violence…” _ He shut his eyes, clenching his teeth to prevent tears from spilling out. He didn’t want to cry anymore, crying wouldn’t help at this point. Tommy also didn’t want Dream to see him cry, he’d always made a point to comfort Tommy when he cried in exile. Tommy didn’t want to find that false comfort in Dream again, not after he had vowed to never let the green bastard control him ever again. 

He remembered how nice Dream had seemed, despite forcing him into exile and blowing up his items every day, Tommy had seen Dream as a friend at some point. He remembered when he broke down crying after no one had shown up to his beach party, Dream had consoled him. He’d wiped away his tears and held him as he cried, even lending Tommy his trident to help get his mind off of the failure of a party. 

Tommy choked back bile as he recalled that memory, he couldn’t believe that even at this point he still had to convince himself that Dream was not his friend. 

He didn’t want to dwell on his exile too much, it hurt to think about how weak he had been. He didn’t want to think about how despite risking everything for his country, he had still been exiled by his best friend.

Tommy winced at the thought of Tubbo, suddenly recalling a memory of when he was helping Techno get his weapons back from L’Manburg after they’d attempted to execute Techno. 

Tubbo, like Schlatt, had horns growing from his head. Tommy had always thought they were unfitting for his passive friend. He found it funny that people were initially intimidated by his appearance before realizing Tubbo was a harmless kid.

Tommy remembered the shock he’d felt after seeing Tubbo for the first time since his exile, his once cheerful friend, then somber and hornless. 

Before they had gone to fight Dream together for the last time, Tubbo had told him of how he’d visited Logsteadshire and seen his pillar towards the sky. Tubbo had explained that he’d thought Tommy killed himself and cut off his horns because he didn’t want to become the next Schlatt.

He remembered thinking about how similar Tubbo had been to Wilbur, while he’d been in exile, choosing L'Manburg over him.  _ “He’s not like Wilbur don’t fucking say that”  _ he reprimanded his own brain.  _ “He’s not like Schlatt either... I can’t believe I told him not to become like Schlatt, what a shit friend I am.”  _

_ “...but we made up didn’t we?”  _ He thought, looking back on the conversation they had before Dream was going to kill Tubbo in that weird underground trophy hall. 

_ “If I ever get out of here, I will never question Tubbo again. It’s me and him against everyone, right? At least, I hope. Will he still care about me after everything? Every bad thing that has happened to him was because of me, what if he doesn't want to be friends anymore? What if he’s happy I’m gone…?”  _

Tommy shuddered, quickly pushing that aside, it was too painful to think about. The last person on his side not wanting him anymore.

_ “Honestly, I wouldn’t be too surprised now that I think about it. If I’m gone then he won’t have to deal with all the problems I cause.” _ He concluded softly. 

Tommy leaned back against the cold obsidian wall, observing Dream who sat to his right. Dream had his book open, writing something on the pages, the soft scratching of pen against paper accompanied the bubbling of lava in the otherwise silent cell. 

He averted his gaze when Dream tilted his head up to look at him, the last thing he wanted to do at the moment was speak with Dream. Tommy focused on his knees, bunched up against his chest as he sat in the corner of the bed. 

_ “At least while I’m stuck in here, I can’t cause anyone else trouble. The only person I can hurt while I’m in here is Dream, and maybe myself I guess.” _

As much as he hated thinking about Dream and what happened during his exile, he couldn’t help but dwell on his thoughts of his fellow inmate. 

_ “Dream has lied to me and hurt me in ways I didn’t know were possible. He manipulated me into thinking we were friends, just like everyone else. Dream is like everyone who has ever hurt me wrapped into one person and then amplified by a million. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe my punishment for all the shit I caused is staying trapped in here forever with Dream.” _

Tommy found a strange sense of serenity with this idea. He had died and gone to the afterlife, it wasn’t like the heaven or hell he’d heard of before, but it definitely wasn’t where he wanted to rest for eternity. As much as he hated to admit it, the cell he was in couldn’t compare to the void-like afterlife he had experienced. 

_ “If I had to choose my punishment for my actions, I don’t think I would choose this, but it isn’t the worst way to atone for what I’ve done” _ He mused, most of the tension and anger had left his body at this point. His thoughts now centered on self-reflection instead of his initial reprehension. 

_ “I’m sorry” _ Tommy exhaled, regret for his criticism of his family and friends seeping into his consciousness. 

_ “It’s not their fault for hating me, it’s solely my fault that they grew to hate me. I’m the one who brought Schlatt into the elections, causing Will to go insane. It was my fault for hoping everything would work out in the end without doing anything to help Will. I’m the one who allowed him to go so far off the edge and blow up the country. I’m the one who tricked Techno into fighting to reestablish L'Manburg when I knew he was opposed to it. It was my fault for not clarifying to Techno what the revolution was for and it was my fault he chose to blow up L'Manburg. I’m the one who went against my probation causing Tubbo to exile me. I’m the one who ran away, causing Tubbo to think I died and leading him to cut off his own horns because I told him not to become the next Schlatt. I’m at fault for everything that led me to this point. I guess I’m reaping what I sowed…” _

Tommy paused, taking in a shuddering breath after his sudden outburst of regret.  _ “After everything I’ve done, I’d be surprised if they don’t hate me.”  _ he echoed. 

_ “I don’t deserve to hate them, blame them for their actions. I don’t get to play the victim here...but they still hurt me”  _ He argued, his mind now in turmoil as his anger for how he was treated by everyone directly opposed his understanding that he was at fault. 

_ “Am I really at fault? I never regretted anything before, I was always confident in my choices, when did it change?”  _ Tommy pondered, now confused as to why he was blaming himself for being angry with the others. 

Tommy almost laughed out loud when he came to his answer. He let his head rest against his knees again, hiding his face as a terrified smile spread across his face. 

_ “Dream, it was Dream who changed me. That bastard fucked my head up in exile, it was only after then that I began to blame myself for everything.”  _

_ “But I am to blame, if not for some things then everything.” _ His mind quickly reiterated.  _ “But it was Dream who was pulling the strings behind it all, remember when he told everyone you’d died in exile after you ran away, or the community house, how he tricked everyone into thinking you blew it up?”  _ He countered. 

Tommy’s head hurt, the two conflicting points of view made it more difficult for him to think. He wanted to push the blame onto someone. If he blamed everyone else, it justified the anger and betrayal he felt at how no one helped him when he was in need. However, if he blamed himself, it was easier to cope with being abandoned and forgotten in the prison. 

_ “Nevermind, I think spending eternity talking about solitaire with Will would be so much better than sitting in here and fighting myself about who’s wrong and who’s right.” _

The smile had faded from Tommy’s face, now replaced with his usual stoic stare. He lifted his head again, resting his chin onto his knees as he stared into the lava wall across the cell. 

_ “I could bait Dream into killing me again, or just jump into the lava.” _ He thought, his eyes glancing to Dream who was still writing in his book. _ “No, I can’t die. Dream would just revive me again and then I’d just be in the same place I started.” _

Tommy shook his head, attempting to clear his mind of everything, he didn’t want to think anymore. No matter what he thought about, he ended up arguing with himself or contemplating suicide. 

Yet, there was no escape.

His only choices were to silently think to himself or talk to Dream, neither of which he wanted to do.  _ “I’ll just sleep, I haven’t had any dreams or nightmares recently.” _ He concluded, the promise of an empty dream devoid of complicated emotions was really appealing at the moment. 

Tommy shifted on the bed, now laying down on his side, facing the obsidian wall to his left. “I’m going to sleep, don’t wake me up unless Sam is here to let me out.” He said out loud, his voice cracking betraying his otherwise emotionless statement. 

Dream paused his writing as Tommy spoke for the first time in a while, he stared at the figure in the bed before responding “Okay, sleep well Tommy.” 

The scribbling noise continued as Tommy closed his eyes and curled into the fetal position.  _ “Please get me the fuck out of here.” _ he prayed as he drifted off into an empty sleep. 


End file.
